How To Awkwardly Go To A Male Striptease Show In Australia In 14 Easy Steps

DSCF0946CONFESSION: SOMETIMES I BUY THINGS ON IMPULSE.

And sometimes it’s really hard to stop myself from buying things.

Lately, I’ve been trying not to spend so much on materialistic things or really anything, but I can slip from time to time.

Like when I really needed a shirt with a tiger’s face on it and when I saw it I had to have it because of a dream I had that a tiger was chasing me. It also reminded me of Katy Perry’s song, Roar, and that song is totally the story of my life and OMG-I-MUST-BUY-The-SHIRT.

My Dreams Are How I Make All My Decisions Apparently. And Based Today's Pop Music.

My Dreams Are How I Make All My Decisions Apparently. And Based On Today’s Pop Music.

Then the other day I found myself just trying on dresses for “fun”. It turns out that there is no such thing as just trying on dresses for “fun”. Especially when you leave the store without the dress and know that it will not fit into your suitcase and you will never, ever wear it even if you do buy it but you just might wear it when you’re hanging out on your couch watching Netflix.

I Need This Dress To Watch Netflix In.

I Need This Dress To Watch Netflix.

Instead of buying materialistic things, I’m trying to buy experiences.

I just didn’t know that one of the experiences I’d buy would be tickets to a Male Striptease show. Well, you know what they say… you can’t go to Australia without going to a Male Striptease Show. Actually, I’m not sure if anyone says that. I’m pretty sure I just made that up.

If you’re anything like me—awkward and bit introverted, then I’ve put together an informal guide for you on How To Awkwardly Go To A Male Striptease Show In Australia In 14 Easy Steps.

You’re Welcome.

Step 1: Stupidly Buy Discounted Tickets For Two

BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER, EVER, IN MY RIGHT MIND GO TO THIS THING ALONE. I will do a lot of things alone like going to a Justin Timberlake concert or flying to the other side of the world, but I WILL NOT go to a Male Striptease Show alone. NEVER. EVER.

Step 2: Hold Off On Going Because You Realize That You Don’t Have Anyone To Go With

The thing about having two tickets is that you have to go with someone. However, the thing about being in a new city where you don’t know anyone makes it challenging to find someone to go with. So you wait and hope you’ll meet people so you don’t have to force yourself to go alone. See Step One.

Step 3: Awkwardly Ask Your New Thai Roommate

I’ll admit—I was pretty nervous when I asked my new roommate if she wanted to go to a male striptease show with me, especially after she told me her mom told her she couldn’t take the job as a waitress in a bar that she would be only be doing once a week.

“I shouldn’t have told her,” she said pouting.

“But you can still do it and not tell her,” I said.

“She’ll check up on me and she’ll know,” she said.

My new roommate is kind and sweet and really innocent. My roommate situation has totally improved since she moved in. She’s from Thailand and is currently studying English in Melbourne. She’ll often ask me for help with her English homework or to break down text messages she receives from friends that she doesn’t understand.

I figured she’s in a new country where she wants to have new experiences and try new things, like, erm, go to a male strip show. I’ve been meaning to ask her for a while but I just assumed she didn’t want to go because of cultural
differences.

I was wrong.

Step 4: Be Shocked In How Excited She Is To Go To A Strip Show

“A strip show!” She said while giggling.

She said “yes” to my invitation. She wanted to go. Like, she really wanted to go. And then asked if she could take pictures and asked me if they’d be completely naked and said she was really, really excited.

This is what roommates do – help them with their English homework and take them to male strip shows.

Step 5: Go To The Show

When we walked in, it turned out that our ticket was only “general admission” and we weren’t allowed to sit at any of the tables. Our ticket also came with one specific type of cocktail, which to be completely honest, wasn’t that great. I also felt bad because I think it was my roommate’s first time drinking alcohol and it wasn’t even the good stuff.

Step 6: Stand On The Side And Hide And Take A Selfie With Your Roommate

DSCF0929Step 7: Answer Your Roommate’s Questions About Everything

Explain to her why there are multiple ladies in the crowd wearing this:

DSCF0930And explain to her that it’s not considered cheating on your boyfriend or fiancé when they go up on stage and do this:

DSCF0939Or this:

DSCF0938Step 8: Be Shocked At All The Things She Wants To Do That Her Parents Will Disapprove Of

You guys, I think I’m a bad influence on her. Who knew that asking your roommate to go with you to male strip show will lead her to revealing mischievous secrets to you. Like she totally wants to go to a sex shop just to see what it’s like. And, um, I think she expects me to take her to one.

Step 9: Have Fun In The Way Your Roommate Reacts To Everything Male Stripper Related

He takes his shirt off  – look at how your roommate reacts.

He takes his pants off – look at how your roommate reacts.

He takes everything off – look at how your roommate reacts.

Step 10: Get Kissed On The Cheek By One Of The Raining Men

Of course, the first act was “It’s Raining Men” where the song “It’s Raining Men” played and a bunch of male strippers came out wearing black raincoats and holding umbrellas. Then they came out into the crowd and randomly kissed random women on the cheek. Not to brag or anything, but I was one of them.

And, besides, who wouldn’t want to kiss me? I’m adorbs.

One Of Them Kissed Me. But I Don’t Remember Which One.

One Of Them Kissed Me. But I Don’t Remember Which One.

Step 11: Watch All The Performances And All The Brides-To-Be Called On Stage

When you’re dragged up on stage at a male strip show, there are two types of women.

  1. The outgoing one who enjoys the experience and is, quite frankly, really drunk.
  2. The really embarrassed one who covers her eyes and waits for it to be over and is, quite frankly, really drunk.

There were both types at this particular show.

Step 12: Hope That None Of Them Comes Down To Either A) Haul You On Stage Or B) Make You Rub Oil On Their Chest

You guys, the strippers would pour oil on their chest and then come down to the audience and grab a girl’s hand and rub it on their chest. I had no desire to do this, mostly because I didn’t want my hand greasy.

Also, they’d haul ladies up on the stage and dance around them and, often, on them. Once they even made the ladies give them a lap dance as some sort of contest. Luckily, they’d often target those who had a VIP wristband or brides-to-be.

Step 13: Take A Picture Of This Piece Of Hunk

DSCF0947Step 14: Awkwardly Take A Group Photo With Your Roomie And All The Shirtless Men And Then Run Out The Door And Be Grateful That No One Hauled You Up On Stage And Danced On You Or Even Worse – Made You Give Them A Lap Dance

This picture happened… mostly because it came with the tickets I purchased and I’ll be damned if I let a free photo op with half naked men go to waste.

DSCF0950So there you have it – How To Awkwardly Go To A Male Striptease Show In Australia In 14 Easy Steps. This wasn’t just my roommate’s first time going to a Male Striptease show – it was also mine. If you want to know what goes on at this type of event, you can see a video on their website. Also, just to be clear, no one paid me to me write about this or hide in the back and hope that no one would pull me on stage.

Have you ever gone to a strip show? Are you just as awkward as me? Share!

 

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10 Comments
  1. oh my goodness, this is the funniest thing I have ever read! I am always that awkward person going to these things, but I have the bad luck of being picked to go on stage every time. I don’t know what’s up with that! It is mortifying, but you know what, I own it now!
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